Thursday, February 10, 2011

My Double Life …

There is a “double life” we lead as we plummet uncontrollably through becoming homeless/near-homeless.  We will lie to our friends who know we are heavily challenged… “It’s tight but, I’m ok.”  The acquaintances may never know.  The truth is we are worried all the time.  If we didn’t fight to keep smiling (or singing), depression will take hold, shake you like a rag doll and never let go.  Our brains and emotions are at odds.  We tell ourselves the truth, “You are doing everything you know you should,” but our emotions scream, “FAILURE!”

Yesterday, when I was parking to sell Street Speech, someone who passed me everyday recognized me.  She pointed to me, then my corner and appeared to tell her companion about me.  I could catch some of the word lip-reading.  My emotions said “fraud” then my logic kicked in:
  • My car was paid for in 2003.
  • It gets me the 14 mile commute to my retail job (10 hrs/wk)
  • It is essential to go to interviews, temp assignments, and job fairs (most not on a bus line).
  • Many of the homeless live in their cars after losing the home (I’m not there yet).
  • I have never represented selling Street Speech as anything other than the legitimate business described in the paper and on their website.
  • She has never spoken to me.  She walks a wider distance away as she passes, making me wonder if she is afraid I am contagious.
Yes, homelessness & near-homelessness is contagious.  It is spread by ignorance of the facts and denial but not by touching, casual conversation… or buying a newspaper.
The day I started this blog I came out to my online quilt guild by asking for prayers.  The responses have been phenomenal!  They have been emotionally uplifting.  My favorite one came from a member in England. After reading my article in my first blog she e-mailed back about going hunting for vultures.  Today she asked if her aim was getting better. Just knowing these online friends care helps battle the depressions and the “wide passers”.

Today's Tally:
Thursday, February 10, 2011      Time:  due to the weather I stayed home
Location: 
Temp:  4° (weather advisory - warning wind chills of -10° to -12°)
Newspapers sold:   0
Viable job postings:   0
Filled or baiting job posted:   6
Resumes/Job Applications sent:   0
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3 comments:

  1. QuiltingUFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    Bless your heart, Pati! I am undergoing a similar struggle, and share your frustration with those who supposedly offer a job, only to spread spam and try to rip us off. I am working sporadically through a temp agency and starting to sell some small quilts through local galleries, and even the local Starbucks (which does not charge a commission!). Sending a big hug your way! Kathy Brigham

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  2. QuiltingUFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:53 PM

    P.S., apply to your state govt to take tests for data entry etc. Even though they may say they're not hiring, they usually are on a limited basis. I have my name in the hat for 5 different jobs with the state, some part time, but still a job. I took the test in Dec. and the offers have started coming in . Taking the test cost $25 -- check out your state's website! Good luck! Kathy

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  3. Maggie SzafranskiFebruary 11, 2011 at 8:14 AM

    Pati, I am keeping you in my prayers, and everybody who is struggling.

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