Update on M

After 3 weeks of full manic episode complicated with severe depression and fueled by recreational no-no's (beer, pot & pills of undisclosed origin) M had a grand finale with Easter buffet at a local oriental restaurant.  At the end of the stressful meal he announces "I quit taking my meds over holidays" and then "I'm ready to go in now" (mental hospital).  First they sent him to the medical hospital over night to observe and test to find out what recreational drugs he had taken. By the time I got off work he was back at the mental hospital to get his meds and sleep back on track.

M has been on nearly every form of meds used to treat Bi-Polar disease until they either quit working or start to become toxic to his body.  I worry that they will run out of choices of meds to use.  Even with these worries I am breathing easier knowing he is getting the help he so desperately needs.  I believe in the power of prayer so I welcome any that my readers may offer up.

Taking Care

When I started this blog I promised that I would not use my family member’s names and specific situations.  Yet there are some areas where I am directly affected by their situations.  So today I will bend that promise.

In my family we have battled Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP, AIDS, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Diabetes, and severe Bi-Polar diseases.  Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP and Cancer are the top two killers.  Families tend to think of it as something everyone gets if they live long enough. During our family’s struggle with AIDS was where I learned that to take care of your loved one you MUST take care of yourself first.  That was nearly 20 years ago when he died and I still struggle with the concept of me first.   The Hodgkin’s sufferer has now been in remission 10 years and considered a survivor.

The two that are left are current and chronic. These types of situations are what Mom used to refer to as “the crazy makers” because you feel so helpless to help.  When you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop you are always under stress.

Right now I’m in a good place recovering from the financial woes of the last three/four years but at the cost of fatigue.  I have my “permanent job” at the retail store (averaging 10 hours a week at beginning hourly rate) and I have my “temp assignment” (full time at double the hourly rate of the retail).  All of that to be self-employed at my passionate job… quilting. 

Two of my three remaining siblings are employed full time.  The third (M) is severely with Bi-Polar and truly unable to work steadily.  We all have our responsibilities no matter how M is maintaining… or not.  

M’s psychiatrist once told us all “to maintain is like balancing a bowling ball on the tip of a pool cue stick.”  What he was trying to get across to M is that diet (NO ALCOHOL! and attention to the sugar levels for Diabetes), meds, sleep, and stressors need to be in balance for wellbeing despite the disease.

This time taxes, Easter, being refused for SSI disability (again) and losing sleep due to the other elements are all pushing the bowling ball into the gutter.  On top of that M has been washing the troubles down with beer.  I can’t seem to get through to him.  But Mom always calls on me first for help in these crises and I hate refusing her requests. 

I think caretakers are given their own bowling ball and cue stick.  It is up to us to keep ours in balance while we’re retrieving the toppled bowling ball for our loved one.  This may also mean seeking help for ourselves.  The Wellness Community in our area was very helpful with support groups, education, etc. for the “participants” and “caregivers” related to cancers.  I was in the caregiver’s group and my sibling went to the participant’s group.  It helped us focus, talk out the stressors, and exchange information on new treatments.  There are groups out there for whatever you are battling.  The trick is to find the group that helps YOU.  That way you are better able to pass your cue stick to the group while you help the participant get back in balance.

I have to make sure I sleep and eat right when drafted into the caregiver battalion.

Close Enough?

In making my Quilt Patis for the last 15 years (oh my, it’s been that long?) I have always maintained a quality product.   I am very specific about accuracy.  I tell my die cutter “if the die is accurate, I will pay you for it” and he has been great about complying.  He understands the concept of Good Job = $$$. I have kept him because he does a good job. 

On the other hand, I have had to change the distributors who supply my raw plastic sheets.  I would find one that I try to explain the product, its usage and the importance of the accuracy. I am now working with the 5^th distributor over the years.  It has been my past experience that the women sales reps understand and as long as they handle my account I get the accuracy I want and need.  The men who have stepped in on when there is a staffing change have not. 

On my most recent order, my sales rep (female) was on vacation. The gentleman who took care of me was quite genial and assured me I would get exactly what I have been ordering (specs in the file) for the last couple years.  He got it to me in record time (2 weeks instead of the usual 6-7 weeks).  Yeah!

I have to further cut the 8’ x 4’ sheets down a near notebook paper size before I can take it to my die cutter.  While I was cutting the first third of this plastic I’m thinking, “is the cold really changing how easy this should be to cut with the rotary cutter?”  I noticed that a couple of the sheets were thicker and I set those to the side.  I went out and got a digital micrometer and started measuring.  Ha! It wasn’t my imagination.  Not one sheet was the .030” in my specifications even though it was the right type of plastic.  Oddly enough the sheets I could visually tell was too thick were marked in Sharpie pen .030 but were actually .069” when measured.

I started 3 weeks ago with an e-mail of my complaint to both sales reps.  Well, HE is the one who is in charge of correcting the mistake… As of our conversation this morning there is still no resolve.  He does not seem to understand that close enough is not good enough.

I started out trying to equate it with “If you go in for a knee replacement on your right knee and come out of it with the left knee replaced its close enough?”  He would laugh but still there has been no action.  Not sure what I will say the next time he asks if I can’t uses what I have got till he can get more to me.  Perhaps I will equate the close enough to the difference between a vasectomy and neutering… Right organ and great birth control but is it what he thinks is “close enough”? 

Joke’s over

Dental appointment set for a week from Monday.  Unfortunately it is during the work day instead of an evening appointment. Their first evening appointment was mid May. 

First thing this morning I took Kip to the vet to recheck his ear infections.  He still has to get the ear drops and take the antibiotics but he is so much better. Then off to take care of the phone.

Initially the fact my contract was not yet eligible for renewal I had four options. 

1. Purchase a new phone outright for over $500 without renewing the contract.
2. Renew the contract now with the usual phone activation fees plus a fine.
3. Add a new line to the contract for the $9.99/mo more, phone activation fee but no fine for the early renewal.
4. Pay a $350 early termination fee to take my business elsewhere.

I went prepared with print outs from my online search of all other options.  Long story short, I took the renewal option and with logic, print outs, and telling him about my April Fool’s Day.  “So find all the discounts you can,” I told him and he got the fine waived and was able to place it on my next billing.

Life’s April Fool’s Joke

Just as you think everything is looking up and you can breathe fate steps in and throws you a curve ball.  Yesterday I was thinking this paycheck from the temp job put me just enough ahead to pay an extra month on my property taxes.  My hope was that it would all go toward the arrears thereby lowering the monthly amount when they refigure my payments in June. 

This morning (April 1^st) just laughed in my face.   I grabbed a slab of cashew butter on cheap soft white bread (a CB&J since allergies to PB) as I went out the door to work.  As I rounded the corner before entering the freeway I savored my first bite and wondered “what’s that hard thing in the bread?”  I separated it from the rests of the bite with my tongue and spit a pea size piece of tooth into my fingers.  At the stop light I located the back molar from which it came and assessed the damage.  I’m ok to last a few days until I can see a dentist. 

I got to the parking lot of the temp job and pulled out my cell phone to call the dentist.  Well there is a portion of the touch screen that is now dead… I cannot call any numbers with a 5, 8 or 0…“Ok! joke’s over!” I yelled toward the heavens.  I get to the parking lot 20 minutes early each day so I think, “They are only a few blocks away maybe they open at 8 and I can just run in to make the appointment so I can still be to work on time.  Got to the dentist office in 4 minutes… they must open at 9 because no one there.

The estimates I am thinking for tooth if they can just replace the filling and avoid a crown… $200-$250. The estimate for a new phone IF they allow me to renew the contract before it is really time to renew is about the same… The two combined is about $50 - $100 more than I was planning to pay on the property taxes.  The phone estimate could double if they make me purchase a replacement phone at full price and not allow an early renewal.  

Like “nature abhors a vacuum” then “the finance fates abhors extra money”.

HONOR

Since the first day of spring we have had a plummet in temperature and even a couple of snow dustings.  What happened to spring?

Yesterday, I had news of an old family friend’s passing.  Tomorrow I will take Mom with me to the funeral home to pay our respects (I cannot make it to the funeral mass on Monday).  Please pray for JMac’s family, that they may find peace in their grieving process.

I called the retail chain where I work on the weekends to see what my schedule was for Sunday.  I was told “You are not scheduled next week.” “All next week?!???  Not even Saturday?”I asked.  This worries me since this IS the permanent job.  Am I getting a vacation I did not ask for or am I getting laid off since they were just bought out.  We recently got a new store manager.  Is he testing how “his store” would run without a different person in each area for a whole week?  Are we getting fired by just not being scheduled?  There are rumors of games, tests & traps being set by this person.  Did I flunk?  If/when I leave any job; I want it to be MY decision.  It would be because I bettered my position at a job… or won the lottery (LOL).

My grandfather was a self made business man as a real estate broker, whose motto was “Doing business by the golden rule.” He did NOT want to get a reputation for doing anything for the greed of lining his pockets.  He wanted the reputation for a fair deal.  By this he got the respect of his workers, customers and the whole community.  Years after his death people were calling Grandma when they were ready to sell or buy again only to be disappointed that he couldn’t represent them.  They always ended the call with a compliment like “L always treated everyone honestly” and/or “with respect”.  This treatment brings customers back every time and garners referrals.  When are the big muckity~muck corporations ever going to learn this?????  It's called honor.  I fear this “golden rule” customer service died with Grandpa and JMac (who was one of Grandpa’s partners).

I honor JMac this weekend for he truly honored my grandfather's ideals and teachings by his continued "Doing business by the golden rule" after Grandpa's death.  I know Grandpa greeted JMac soon after he arrived in heaven... they are probably making plans to play poker or gin rummy soon.

Super Full Moon & 1st Day of Spring …

Today was the 1^st day of spring and it was following last night’s “super full moon.” We often joke about getting very crazy during a full moon and spring break often has the same reputation.  We had an “interesting” day cutting fabric.  We had a lot of odd requests.

I have a couple of prayer requests…

• First, one of our managers lost her fiancé’s father last night after being in a coma about a week from a massive heart attack at 60 years old.  Please pray for comfort during their grief.
• The other is for a regular customer who had a diabetic crisis while I waited on her.  I also noticed a scar from a previous heart surgery.  This one we called the Emergency Squad.  Please pray for her quick and continued recovery.

On the way home from work today, I picked up some seeds for herbs and vegetables.  I have a small sunny area where the herbs grow great in a window box on my stoop’s wrought iron fencing.  Last year I got a few tomatoes, sweet green peppers, and couple of zucchini before the squirrels got them.  In the German Village (historical area of town) the buildings date back to the mid-late 1800’s.  They have small patios or yards so I started planting in window box or patio planters for my vegetable/herb gardening.  

The rest of my space is mostly shady where I have flowers.  Yesterday, I saw the first crocus.  This really signals spring to me more so than a date on the calendar (Oh, and the orange barrels on the highway is another sign).

This is another way to survive… planning ahead & planting edibles if you have the space (no matter how small).  If you don’t have your own space, check into some community gardens or coops in your area.