What Have I Been Up To?

Thank you for all the birthday wishes from many of you by e-mail and facebook.

Two weeks ago was my last day at the temporary assignment that was promising to go permanent. This was a job I loved doing. It just wasn't to be after the governmental budget cuts reduced their grant funding by 35%. At that time they called me and the other temp into the office and told us how much they wanted to keep us both on permanently but... However, I understand they just hired a new temp from a different agency (maybe lower rate) and combined both the jobs as one. I would have liked them to call me back (I'm already half trained) even if it were a lower rate. I was still available. Oh well. I sometimes wonder what God has planned that I don't know about yet.

During the two weeks off I celebrated my birthday, helped my friend finish a quilt top (& took it to her favorite machine quilter), and a 2 days temp job wrapping 500 "For Sale By Owner" signs for mailing. I went out to eat most days last week using a different birthday coupon for free meals or as a birthday treat with a family member or friend.

Today I got a new temp assignment for 1 week of data entry that I start tomorrow 8 am. I will try to keep you posted. Not sure what to expect. It is "near the airport" but from looking at the map nothing else.

Taking Care

When I started this blog I promised that I would not use my family member’s names and specific situations.  Yet there are some areas where I am directly affected by their situations.  So today I will bend that promise.

In my family we have battled Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP, AIDS, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Diabetes, and severe Bi-Polar diseases.  Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP and Cancer are the top two killers.  Families tend to think of it as something everyone gets if they live long enough. During our family’s struggle with AIDS was where I learned that to take care of your loved one you MUST take care of yourself first.  That was nearly 20 years ago when he died and I still struggle with the concept of me first.   The Hodgkin’s sufferer has now been in remission 10 years and considered a survivor.

The two that are left are current and chronic. These types of situations are what Mom used to refer to as “the crazy makers” because you feel so helpless to help.  When you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop you are always under stress.

Right now I’m in a good place recovering from the financial woes of the last three/four years but at the cost of fatigue.  I have my “permanent job” at the retail store (averaging 10 hours a week at beginning hourly rate) and I have my “temp assignment” (full time at double the hourly rate of the retail).  All of that to be self-employed at my passionate job… quilting. 

Two of my three remaining siblings are employed full time.  The third (M) is severely with Bi-Polar and truly unable to work steadily.  We all have our responsibilities no matter how M is maintaining… or not.  

M’s psychiatrist once told us all “to maintain is like balancing a bowling ball on the tip of a pool cue stick.”  What he was trying to get across to M is that diet (NO ALCOHOL! and attention to the sugar levels for Diabetes), meds, sleep, and stressors need to be in balance for wellbeing despite the disease.

This time taxes, Easter, being refused for SSI disability (again) and losing sleep due to the other elements are all pushing the bowling ball into the gutter.  On top of that M has been washing the troubles down with beer.  I can’t seem to get through to him.  But Mom always calls on me first for help in these crises and I hate refusing her requests. 

I think caretakers are given their own bowling ball and cue stick.  It is up to us to keep ours in balance while we’re retrieving the toppled bowling ball for our loved one.  This may also mean seeking help for ourselves.  The Wellness Community in our area was very helpful with support groups, education, etc. for the “participants” and “caregivers” related to cancers.  I was in the caregiver’s group and my sibling went to the participant’s group.  It helped us focus, talk out the stressors, and exchange information on new treatments.  There are groups out there for whatever you are battling.  The trick is to find the group that helps YOU.  That way you are better able to pass your cue stick to the group while you help the participant get back in balance.

I have to make sure I sleep and eat right when drafted into the caregiver battalion.

Life’s April Fool’s Joke

Just as you think everything is looking up and you can breathe fate steps in and throws you a curve ball.  Yesterday I was thinking this paycheck from the temp job put me just enough ahead to pay an extra month on my property taxes.  My hope was that it would all go toward the arrears thereby lowering the monthly amount when they refigure my payments in June. 

This morning (April 1^st) just laughed in my face.   I grabbed a slab of cashew butter on cheap soft white bread (a CB&J since allergies to PB) as I went out the door to work.  As I rounded the corner before entering the freeway I savored my first bite and wondered “what’s that hard thing in the bread?”  I separated it from the rests of the bite with my tongue and spit a pea size piece of tooth into my fingers.  At the stop light I located the back molar from which it came and assessed the damage.  I’m ok to last a few days until I can see a dentist. 

I got to the parking lot of the temp job and pulled out my cell phone to call the dentist.  Well there is a portion of the touch screen that is now dead… I cannot call any numbers with a 5, 8 or 0…“Ok! joke’s over!” I yelled toward the heavens.  I get to the parking lot 20 minutes early each day so I think, “They are only a few blocks away maybe they open at 8 and I can just run in to make the appointment so I can still be to work on time.  Got to the dentist office in 4 minutes… they must open at 9 because no one there.

The estimates I am thinking for tooth if they can just replace the filling and avoid a crown… $200-$250. The estimate for a new phone IF they allow me to renew the contract before it is really time to renew is about the same… The two combined is about $50 - $100 more than I was planning to pay on the property taxes.  The phone estimate could double if they make me purchase a replacement phone at full price and not allow an early renewal.  

Like “nature abhors a vacuum” then “the finance fates abhors extra money”.

First Week …

The first week on the temp job is now over.  I think I did OK.  I hope they think I did OK.  They are a nonprofit organization that runs programs to maintain quality of child care centers.  As I learned my job, when I would ask a question the most common response started with “Really good question…” and then they answered the question.  A technique that reinforced the ideas conveyed.

The big retail chain did not schedule me for today.  The first Saturday I have had off (without asking for it) since I started.  I thought at first they were getting ready to weed out any of the unnecessary staff since the holidays are over. Or the new store manager wants his own people… All the worries that go with the change of routine flooded my brain.

On Thursday, the plastic arrived early.  It seems I was worried for nothing.  God worked in his mysterious ways again.  I cut the plastic from dry wall size down to about notebook paper size before I can take it to the die cutter.  That’s what I did all day today.  I got about a third of it done.  That’s enough to take to the die cutter for the sizes I need to fill backorders.