Taking Care

When I started this blog I promised that I would not use my family member’s names and specific situations.  Yet there are some areas where I am directly affected by their situations.  So today I will bend that promise.

In my family we have battled Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP, AIDS, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Diabetes, and severe Bi-Polar diseases.  Heart Disease/Stroke/HBP and Cancer are the top two killers.  Families tend to think of it as something everyone gets if they live long enough. During our family’s struggle with AIDS was where I learned that to take care of your loved one you MUST take care of yourself first.  That was nearly 20 years ago when he died and I still struggle with the concept of me first.   The Hodgkin’s sufferer has now been in remission 10 years and considered a survivor.

The two that are left are current and chronic. These types of situations are what Mom used to refer to as “the crazy makers” because you feel so helpless to help.  When you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop you are always under stress.

Right now I’m in a good place recovering from the financial woes of the last three/four years but at the cost of fatigue.  I have my “permanent job” at the retail store (averaging 10 hours a week at beginning hourly rate) and I have my “temp assignment” (full time at double the hourly rate of the retail).  All of that to be self-employed at my passionate job… quilting. 

Two of my three remaining siblings are employed full time.  The third (M) is severely with Bi-Polar and truly unable to work steadily.  We all have our responsibilities no matter how M is maintaining… or not.  

M’s psychiatrist once told us all “to maintain is like balancing a bowling ball on the tip of a pool cue stick.”  What he was trying to get across to M is that diet (NO ALCOHOL! and attention to the sugar levels for Diabetes), meds, sleep, and stressors need to be in balance for wellbeing despite the disease.

This time taxes, Easter, being refused for SSI disability (again) and losing sleep due to the other elements are all pushing the bowling ball into the gutter.  On top of that M has been washing the troubles down with beer.  I can’t seem to get through to him.  But Mom always calls on me first for help in these crises and I hate refusing her requests. 

I think caretakers are given their own bowling ball and cue stick.  It is up to us to keep ours in balance while we’re retrieving the toppled bowling ball for our loved one.  This may also mean seeking help for ourselves.  The Wellness Community in our area was very helpful with support groups, education, etc. for the “participants” and “caregivers” related to cancers.  I was in the caregiver’s group and my sibling went to the participant’s group.  It helped us focus, talk out the stressors, and exchange information on new treatments.  There are groups out there for whatever you are battling.  The trick is to find the group that helps YOU.  That way you are better able to pass your cue stick to the group while you help the participant get back in balance.

I have to make sure I sleep and eat right when drafted into the caregiver battalion.